monologue

Lorcan asks a lot of questions. He’s in data gathering mode right now, full systems go. Just like every other kid his age.

But the great thing about Lorcan is that sometimes he doesn’t even need you to answer his questions. He'll happily do it for you himself.

The trick is to pause slightly before you respond... and if he’s feeling inspired, he won't bother waiting for you to give him some banal, unimaginative, adult reply.... he will, instead, come out with an answer all of his own.

And it's usually way more interesting than anything I could say.

Sitting on the loo five minutes ago, he came out with the following:

Is it getting dark, Mummy?

Yes, it is getting very dark, Mummy.

Mummy? Why is it getting very dark?

Will I tell you why it’s getting very dark, Mummy?

Because the morning is [whispering for dramatic effect:] starting to disappear.

Yes. Because you know, Mummy,... the morning can disappear.

And the dark too.

Everything can disappear!

* * * * *

fly

Malachy: When I grow up I'm going to be an ice-skater and a scientist!

Mummy: Wow! What kind of scientist are you going to be?

Malachy: The kind that invents things. I'm going to invent a way to make human beings fly!

don't be long

Lorcan: Are you going to pick up Malachy?

Daddy: Yes, I am.

Lorcan: OK, but don’t be too long.

Daddy: OK

Lorcan: No. Go fast!

Daddy: OK!

Lorcan: But... Don’t go too fast.

Daddy: I won't.

Lorcan: Actually... Go slowly.

Daddy: Okaaaaay!

Lorcan: Bye, bye, Daddy. You can be long, but be careful.

storybook life

Malachy: Do you think we’re in a story, Mummy?

Me: What do you mean?

Malachy: I mean do you think maybe we’re in a story and somebody is reading us?

Me: Well, I’ve never thought about that possibility…

Malachy: Well, if we are, I hope they don’t close the book and squash us!

inventor no more

Liam: When I grow up I want to be a drummer. I used to want to be an inventor but then I realised I might die in the middle of one of my inventions-

Mummy: -interrupting- Die???

Liam: Yeah, like in an explosion or something. And I don’t want to die, so I’m going to be a drummer instead.

and i quote

*quoted word for word from one of Liam's school assignments:

The Story of Bread

I love bread. It is very yummy.

Bread is made from wiete. Bread

is just so yummy that I wid eat it

rite now.

santa rocks

Liam: You know Santa Claus used to be a rock star!

Malachy: Wow...

Liam: Yeah, but then he wasn't able to be in a band any more so he had to think of something else to do. And that's when he started doing good....

Malachy: And giving presents to all the children?

Liam: Yeah.

Malachy: Wow.

Liam: Yeah.

tomorrow

Malachy: (while being tucked into bed the other night)... Mummy, I don't think I'm going to have any tantrums at all tomorrow.

Mummy just gives him a kiss and a smile and quietly thinks to herself: "at least his intentions are good..." :)

cowboy

Lorcan: Daddy, I'm a cowboy and you are my horsey!

words *are* treats

Liam: Today is Friday. That means it's...

Malachy: Treat day!

Liam: Yeah. But I was going to say: Friday is spelling test day. And I love spelling tests!!

*He's not a geek. But he is a word-eating monster.

let 'em eat cake

We recently did some baking for a charity event in aid of a Dublin hospice. Malachy must have overheard me explaining to Liam what a "hospice" is, because later on that day, through a mouthful of red velvet chocolate cake, he declared:

When people are dying... you just give them cake.

you know what i think?

Liam: You know what I think Mummy?

Mummy: What?

Liam: I think that everyone who's in a wheelchair is really a mermaid.

Mummy: Like the character in your Superman comic?

Liam: Yeah.

Mummy: I think that's a really beautiful idea, Liam.

Liam: I know. And you know what?

Mummy: What?

Liam: At first I thought it was just her, but now I think that it's all the people who are in wheelchairs... but they just keep it a secret. And when they get in the water they can swim... wow... they can swim better than... they can swim the best.

marriage and babies

Liam: I love you so much, Mummy!

Mummy: I love you that much too, pet.

Liam: When I grow up, I’m going to marry you, Mummy.

Mummy: No, Liam. I’ve told you this before… you can’t marry me because I’m already married to Daddy.

Liam: Oh yeah. But if I can’t marry you, then who can I marry?... And if I can’t marry anyone, then how will I get a baby?!

Mummy: Liam, you don't have to worry about having babies just yet... or getting married -or not- for that matter. And, anyway, if you do get married, it'll probably be to someone you don’t even know yet. It's not going to happen for a long time.

Liam: Oh yeah because I have to be more than twenty, don't I?

Mummy: Yes. Or thirty even!

Liam: [tone of disbelief] Thirty?!!

Mummy: Yes, I was nearly thirty-one when I married Daddy.

Liam: [fits of laughter] Ha-ha-ha... thirty-one!!

Mummy: I don't see what's so funny about that!

Liam: [pulls himself together] Oh, nothing! [Pause] But Mummy, how do you know who you want to marry?

Mummy: You just know because you fall in love with them and you want to stay with them. Anyway, maybe you won’t want to get married at all. And that's ok. Lots of people don’t get married.

Liam: But then how can I get a baby?

Mummy: Well you don’t need to get married to have a baby. You just need to be grown up and with someone you really love and who really loves you. And the two of you have to really want a baby, and...

Liam: No, stop!... Actually. It’s ok, Mummy. Forget it! If I can’t marry you, I’ll just wait till I’ve grown up and then I’ll travel around the world looking for the people who don’t want their babies, and I'll get them and take care of them.

* * * * * * *

[two minutes later]

Malachy: Mummy, when I grow up I'm going to marry YOU!

Mummy: Oh, Malachy... you know you can't marry me... I'm you're Mummy and I'm already married to Daddy!

Malachy: OK. I'll marry Lorcan then.

Mummy: You can't marry him either. He's your brother.

Malachy: OK, then Liam!

Mummy: Um, Liam's your brother too!

Malachy: Oh yeah. [Pause] ...Well, Anna says she's going to marry Liam. Maybe I could marry Anna too!

Mummy: ¿¿???!!!

me and my big mouth!

Lorcan is going to great lengths to try to start talking more coherently. He's currently into shouting a lot too. Seems to like the sounds of his own voice and enjoys experimenting with his registers (earplugs, anyone?).

Today, he decided he needed to intervene in a fight between his two big brothers (yes, of course, they fight... they're brothers!).

"Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy...." he yelled from the hallway into the kitchen.

"Yes, love, I'm on my way", I replied

"Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy...." he yelled persistently until I managed to get to his side.

"Ee-am hitt-een Ma-ky... Ee-am hitt-een Ma-ky... " he repeated hysterically. (Translation: "Liam is hitting Malachy")

"Why you naughty little telltale you!" was my only thought.

death, a reprise

Still intrigued by Liam's thoughts on death last night, this afternoon I decided to put the same question to him myself. To my surprise, he came up with a totally different answer this time:

Mummy: Liam, what happens when you're dead?

Liam: Well, you can either go to heaven... or you can become a ghost.

Mummy: Oh! And which would you prefer?

Liam: Hmmm. I don't know. I haven't decided yet.

relaxation?

Last night before bed, we overheard the boys chatting:

Malachy: Liam, what happens when you're dead?

Liam: You just lie down and close your eyes, like you're asleep.

Malachy: But what happens?

Liam: Nothing! You just look like you're asleep. I think being dead is probably very... relaxing.

girl talk

Liam: It's nice to have a girl in the house

Mummy: Why?

Liam: Because girls talk cute.

Mummy: awww

Liam: I wish I had a sister!

Mummy: But you have brothers! I never had a sister either you know.

Liam: You didn't have a sister, but you were a sister!!

but why?

Liam: Mummy, you lied to me!

Mummy: ¿¿??!! What? No I didn't! What makes you think that?

Liam: You said the wishbone would make my wish come true!!!

Mummy: Oh, um... that's not exactly what I said, love. I said you can make a wish on the wishbone if you win... but there's never any guarantee it's going to come true. Some things are just impossible... and anyway, I don't even know what you wished for!

Malachy: [butting in enthusiastically] Huh! Liam wished for chocolate and we didn't get it!!!

Mummy: Oh! You never told me that!

Liam: Because you said you have to keep your wishes a secret!!

Mummy: Ah, yes, I did, didn't I?

Liam: Yes, you did. And now I have no wish! All I wished for was a chocolate bar for me and Malachy and Lorcan every afternoon... forever.

Mummy: Is that all?!

* * * * *

because I'm a [small]talker too...

It's the middle of January but I don't care, I still toddle around everywhere singing:

"Dinda Bell, dinda bell, dinda all a-waaaaay"...

Yes, that's "jingle bells", of course! And I have a beautiful singing voice and excellent pitch, I'll have you know!

:D

when i don't know what to say...

Liam: What do you say when you don't know what to say?

Mummy: Well that depends...

Liam: Sometimes when I don't know what to say, I say "I love you"